no life.

everyone has to accept the fact that...

one has no life when he/she is working
AND
one has no money to enjoy life when he/she is not working!!!

BAH!!!

that's just life and we have to accept it. :(

i think it's really not as easy to be a BA(Beauty Advisor). i went for the interviews and i've been thinking a lot. being at my age, most people must be studying and pursuing their diploma/a levels or even in U alr lor. and me? trying my best to get into beauty line because i found out that's my passion and i wanna do something that has to do with MY passion. :D

but then again... once i've stepped into working life, that's it. i must be really commited to it and i'll have not much time for other stuffs. probably i'll lose my friends and fun times. BUT i keep thinking and thinking, it seems like it's unavoidable. eventually everyone has to go on with their own career and lead their own life. :( i think that's the point of time people lose contact and all. sigh, really don't wish for that to happen. things are already not going well for me now, i don't want it o turn worse.

*prays hard*

okay, i got into shu uemura and will be starting my training from next tuesday onwards, at ion orchard!!! I AM SO FREAKING MAD NERVOUS ABOUT IT!!! do you understand my feeling? very very very nervous, don't know how to put it in words. :( i'm really worried that i'll screw up or something. this chance is really hard to come by cos i have zero experience in beauty line! so if i don't do well, i'll be kicked out. :(

how how how?! i have no confidece at all luh. just hope that i'll make as minimal mistakes as possible! but! first things first, need to tone down my hair colour! but i'm still not sure of dye-ing it to black or just tone down to darker brown? and my day 1 attire too!!! i don't have any work attire in black leh. shitzxzxzxz! $&*#!(@$#@ :(

bye bye my bright orange hair... no more dye-ing of bright colours anymore!!!



and also... no more foundation+lipbalm+blusher+drawing of brows only make up anymore...



bye bye bye!!~ i'll have to stick on fake lashes and put on heavier makeup to work. hopefully my eyelids won't get infection or start to peel again. it's really painful. and i'll never apply mascara cos i have very little amount of lashes which will look like shit when i apply mascara. :(

//

anyway, ytd after my interview...



was alr feeling very tired and all from waking up damn early and drying my long long hair and putting on make up. tiring leh. hate the part when i have to wait for the hair to dry and combing it thoroughly plus straightening. zzz.

and then went home! felt more comfortable after removing the makeup! but still, i conceal my undereyes. aiya i'm very self conscious and i don't want him to see my dark circles even though he said he doesn't mind my bare face BUT i mind!!! nvm, i'm just weird. :\



mmm, feels so homey. messy but i like!!





thank you for sending me from ubi to macpherson to dhoby ghaut to bukit batok to raffles place to clarke quay to bugis for the sake of my interviews... thank you so much. you know i appreciate everything you did. i'm very tired and i know you must be feeling TIMES TWO tired than me. you need to concentrate on roads and look for the locations under the hot sun.

thanks... for bringing me here and there, wasting your fuels. 'sun-tanning' with me during the super hot afternoon and not forgetting, being drenched from head to toe otw home... i think i can't find any dry part on you. even your boxers are wet in the rain i think? LOL. sorry, and thanks! :) much loves. <3

do you know?

i'm feeling very stressed, by money! money is like everything. you don't have money, you can't do anything. thailand trip is nearing and i haven't got enough cash with me right now. desperately need money so badly. my oh my, why am i so pathetic? i really wanna start to have savings, i'm serious! but i can't seem to be satisfied...

it's depressing to see pretty good quality pictures on blogs... but not mine. :( initially i wanted to get a semi camera only. now, i'm even more greedy! i think of getting a dslr. i know i know, someone please slap me on my cheeks. :( goodnesssssssss! why would i even need such a pro cam right? but this pictures very very nice leh. awwwwwww! i gotta stop myself! try to cut down on my cosmetics buys as well. all those useless stuffs and unwanted things need to be STOPPED!

need some motivation here and there...

right now na na na, need to solve the first problem FIRST...

happy 19th months

it's past midnight alr leh! our actual monthsary date is 14th. here's a belated post! :D

HEY YOU! hehe. thank you YOU! for not leaving my side when we broke up... during the period of time..... of 6 months? i think so! haha. i'm so glad that we're back tgt. i'm sure what i really want for myself now. yes! i wanna spend my rest of my life with you. :D don't know these sparks will last anot though... i know that you've been assuring me all the time but still... i see happy couples end up in a sad ending. :( so you cannot blame me to have that kinda negative thinking eh. prove me wrong k? haha. :)

baby, thanks for everything. i know you did it all for my sake. :)

okay! so, we had our supper at the usual favourite place of mine. at bedok north 85 market!!! i'll never get sick of the food there. omgosh, the chicken porridge, chicken wing, otah, carrot cake, hokkien mee... and others which i had not try yet!!! YUMS~ but there'll be a temporary closure from 22nd onwards. so sad! no more supper for me then... :(

anyway... here comes our fav carrot cakeee!





eh? i don't know what's the white patch on my side of my right eye. think i slapped too much pressed powder on that area and didn't blend properly. aiya, just need something to cover my dark eye circles...

and then you see my brows! like thinner than usual... didn't realize it until today i draw it! me don't like. :( like auntie lehzxzxzxzxz.

here's a big face of hjf.



got shine leh. hehe. btw it's so unfair. how come guys normally don't have dark eye circles one? i thought guys are mostly hardcore gamers who game till morning? but still no signs of any shit fine lines or tired eyes. what shit is this man. eat shit lah. &$#*(!@$^*#@$

BTW! earlier this morning, we thought we lucky lucky got a lobang job. good pay somemore!!! in the end when we reach there, the person in charge said they only needed guys? some miscommunication lor! waste my sleeping beauty time. zzz.

then when we're about to go, i tried to act like hjf. try to start the bike, act shuai and all. THEN HE SNAP UGLY PHOTO OF ME! YEA REVENGE ON ME I THINK??

you see you see...



i think i saw a shit face there. =.=



wtf, i got elephant leg here. i thought my legs not that fat?! hjf, pls improve your photo taking skills... :P

ahhh, an exclusive photo of him i have. i put fake lashes, eyeliner, foundation, lipgloss, drew his brows, a bit of blusher on him!!!



fucking funny, i just anyhow colour his eyebrows like some wayang. time for opera show! LOL. see, he got double eyelid after i apply the fake lashes on him. fun fun fun! next time i wanna try eyeshadows. :x don't angry okay? :D

always making me laugh till i roll on the floor. :x yada yada... lazy to type already luh.

happy monthsary to us okay. :) loves lovesss. <3

i'm sorry NOT

sorry to the people to love me. no, exclude my family please cos i don't love them. :)

had a quarrel 2 days back. i was being screamed at, shouted at, scolded at. i'm very used to it already but don't know why i felt extremely more angry than usual. i was so angry and frustrated with my fucking life till i didn't know what i was doing. i tried looking for a penknife, i couldn't find it anywhere inside my room.

saw a big pink hairband, i broke it into 2 pieces and cannot stop scratching my left hand with it. i think i did it for 20 times or so, finally calmed down for a bit but the crying didn;t stop. it lased around for 2 hours...

i'm not crazy, i just need to find something to vent out my frustrations. i know what i did sounds like those typical stupid teenagers, no i'm not! anyway, i regret what i did lah, my hand is so ugly now with the damn scratches. fml.

sometimes i just feel it's not easy to be in his family. you know how it feels? probably won't cos you'll never be me...

you don't know how much hate i have towards these bunch of people. they don't like me, they hate me to the core. in that case, why sill gave birth to me? haha. should have aborted me. :) i just want my own freedom and do the things i want, hate to be controlled and being asked about this and that and everything.

you know why i don't answer anything back at all? bcos no matter what i say, i'll always be wrong, i'm never right. you adults are always right and you all think i should do everything your way. correct? oh, do you also forget that, i'm a semi adult already? do you rmb what's my age? i'm 19 years old for goodness sake. i'm not 3 year old. haha. must be getting old that's why you forget my age. :)

fine, do whatever you want. when i have the chance, i'll just get out of this fucking place. sick of everything here. bb. :)